In Mother Russia...

...handjob gets YOU!
...penis wanks YOU!
...sandwich eats YOU!
...porn faps to YOU!
...I'm mildly attractive!
...monkey spanks YOU!
...dead people laugh at YOU!
...Russian Reversal joke tells YOU!
...you give McDonalds diabetes!
...hookers buy YOU!
...condoms inflate YOU!
...bacon eats YOU! (Unless you're Kosher.)
...Scientology joins YOU!
...drugs do YOU!
...Waldo looks for YOU! (And when he finds you, he kicks you in the nuts.)
...celebrity stalks YOU!
...cats own YOU! (Wait, this is true everywhere.)
...TubeYou!
...Megan Fox has sick fantasies about YOU!
...bear on a unicycle!
...what what gets a playa!
...cats hump YOU!
...joke laugs at YOU!
...robot invents YOU!
...The final joke reads YOU!